Commentary to BuzzFeed’s “The 57 Best Conspiracy Theories I Heard At New Jersey’s 55th Annual UFO Conference” Part 2

Part 1 is here. This is a response to this listicle.

49. English occultist Aleister Crowley let the demon Lam into our world through an inter-dimensional portal, via Satanic ritual.

CuttyDarke: That unreliable self publicist? If he rose from the dead to tell me the sun rose in the east I’d get up extra early just to check.

PlanetNiles: It’s hardly a conspiracy; it’s well known occult lore.  Crowley made contact with the courtly fae, when they were in the bath or something.  He wanted to see them in the nude. He was disappointed and made up some BS about it as was his want. But not demons and not a Satanic ritual. They’re a different kettle of fish entirely; think 4Chan and you’re halfway there.

48. Later, Crowley’s portal, located at Area 51, was enlarged by rocket scientist Jack Parsons and L. Ron Hubbard. This began the modern UFO era.

PlanetNiles: Not Crowley’s portal. Crowley thought the Rite of Babalon was a stupid thing to do and forbade Parsons and Hubbard, that other great self publicist, from doing it. Hubbard told him to get stuffed. Oh look an ultraterrestrial invasion. Given Hubbard’s character I wouldn’t be surprised if that hadn’t been his intent all along.

CuttyDarke: Jack Parsons; fantastic guy and a great person to be around but not someone you would want to leave in a room with a large button labelled “do not press.”

47. This is not the same inter-dimensional portal that was located on the top of The Tower of Babel. But they’re related.

PlanetNiles: The portal wasn’t located on the top of the Tower of Babel but beneath the inverted temple of Sin nearby.

CuttyDarke: This caused our colonial cousins no end of confusion when they misinterpreted some ancient inscriptions to include references to a “Stargate”.

PlanetNiles: But did result in more than a decade of excellent science fiction television.

46. The Earth is roamed by shadow people who only leave in the name of Jesus.

CuttyDarke: The “Shadow people” are actually cast by extradimensional beings impinging upon our more limited reality. They’re not leaving in the name of Jesus; they’re leaving because you’re shouting at them. They’re actually really offended.

PlanetNiles: Nobody likes a religious nut job. Speaking of which…

45. Millions of people in the U.S. today worship Lucifer.

PlanetNiles: …Yes. They call themselves “Christian Evangelists” or just “Evangelists”. You can spot them doing their dark master’s work every time they open their mouths to spew hate at anyone who isn’t one of them.

CuttyDarke: The Cathars were right. Anyone preaching the Proserity Gospel is in fact worshipping Satan. God does not give you special prizes just for praying.

44. One-third of heavenly angels “fell” with Lucifer, and became demons. These demons are getting onto Earth via the inter-dimensional portals.

CuttyDarke: They fell, to Earth. They don’t need portals. They’re already here. Our friends in the Vatican wish it were that simple. Closing portals is relatively easy. If this were true they’d never need to Exorcise anyone again.

PlanetNiles: Demons can be summoned from other worlds but it, officially, really difficult. Portals aren’t involved that much as the demon sends a projection and either manifests a body when they get here, if they’re try-hards, or just possess then nearest sap.

43. Demons dress up in “bio-suits” that look like what we think of as grey, black-eyed aliens.

CuttyDarke: No. No. Demons either possess a body or manifest a physical form. The Greys are actually the Fae. Or other ultraterrestrials. Or projections from your own mind.

PlanetNiles: Current thought is that the Greys are actually what the Courtly Fae look like without glamours. “In the nude” as it were. Although perhaps not all of them.

42. Fallen angels mated with humans once, but NOT twice. This information is presented on a PowerPoint slide titled “5 Reasons Why I Do Not Believe There Was A Second Incursion of Fallen Angels.” I’d badge this BuzzFeed list “SMH” and “TRASHY.”

CuttyDarke: Oh here we go. They’re not talking about angels here. They’re talking about the Nephilim.

PlanetNiles: Best we can make out the Nephilim weren’t literal giants but figurative ones. These days we’d call them super-humans. The whole children of angels thing is just an origin story; less sophisticated people explaining why junior can bench press a mammoth and jump whole rivers in a single bound.

CuttyDarke: They were taller than average. But then they were also hardier and stronger than average. Your actual fallen angels, i.e. demons, can’t mate with human women because of genetics. Their genetic material just isn’t compatible with ours.

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